Ep. #2 – What Are Goals For? How many times have you set goals, got really excited about them, quit, and then beat yourself up?
That was my experience for years. It’s so disappointing.
When you set a goal to prove you’re good enough to yourself or other people, you end up linking your worth to the goal results.
When you believe that you matter, the goals you choose to take on mean something to you. They are things you want to experience. Not prove. Things you want to enjoy because they add spice to your life.
I’m sharing 6-tips to help you fully validate your goals before jumping in and explaining why that’s so valuable to do.
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- Goals don’t change your worth.
- Your approach to goals matters.
- You can enjoy your life on the way to your goals.
- How to fully validate the goal before you start.
Featured on the Show:
- If you are ready to take this work deeper and work with me one-on-one, join my Genuine Confidence program.
- Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Hello, Lovely ‘yes, girl’ moments.
- and my hydrangeas….
Christie: Welcome to the "Hello Lovely Podcast" with Christie Williams here. I cannot wait to teach you how to be your authentic self. So you can live a life you love without beating yourself up and feeling stunned. So hang out with me and I'll show you exactly how to do that. Let us get started.
Hello, beautiful. So happy to be with you again this week. I am so excited about the topic that were discussing which is "What Are Goals For." Before we get started though, I want to share a little bit about what I've been up to. We are growing some squash, and zucchini, and cucumbers in our backyard and we live in a little downtown area. So we don't have a huge yard, but my husband made some really amazing, actually, boxes to put the seeds in, and put our plants in, and they are growing. We have got so many squash blossoms out there. I just see them and my heart explodes a little bit. They are so pretty and there's so many. It just makes me so happy to see them. And if you like hydrangeas as much as I do, you just know that when you see them you can't help but just stare at them forever. They are so beautiful and we have some gorgeous ones in the backyard. They are purple and they are some of the darkest purple hydrangeas I have ever seen. I am sure it has to do with the soil that we have, but they are just gorgeous. I will have to link up some photos of those or something, but it is so pretty. So anyway, this weekend we were waiting in the garden and used to be something I hated, and it was so funny to notice that how much I really was enjoying it. I mean, it sounds really crazy, but I love it now. I don't even wear gloves which I'm sure is not the smartest thing in the world, but being able to just get in there with my hands and wee[?] and see what's growing is just an amazing experience.
So I'm not saying it's more relaxing than sitting on the couch and chilling out or hanging out in the backyard and relaxing. It is definitely hard work, but it was just so enjoyable to do that. So anyway, that was what I was doing this weekend, but the topic we're talking about is goals and what they are, at least, the way I see them. And before I really get into how I would describe and see goals now, I'd like to take you back to what I used to think about goals.
One, I actually want to do it. Yeah, that one is so important, and jumping into a goal without making sure, I actually want to do it and carry it through. So I'm not saying I want the idea of it, I'm saying I actually want to do it, I want to carry through, I want to go to the end, I want the end result, I want all the work in between. Okay? So that's number one.
Number two, I'm not using it to prove I'm good enough.
Three, I am committed to the steps it takes to get there to that end result even if I don't know all those deeds yet. So if I don't know all the details, I know enough to get started, I know enough of what it's going to require me of, I am committed to those steps, and I am committed to learn in between, in the in-between.
Four, instead of quitting, I re-evaluate until I get there. So I used to look at, like, opportunities to quit as the failure. I looked at maybe a result I got on the middle on my way to getting the end result, and thought, "Oh gosh, here we go again, this is proof that I can't do it. No." Step four is really giving yourself the opportunity to take quitting out as an option and give yourself the option to re-evaluate. You can re-evaluate unlimited amounts of time towards your goal until you reach the end result, period. And that's the standard I've set for the goal.
Five, I will not beat myself up over the results. Even though that sounds like a lot of fun to do, I refuse. If I catch myself beating myself up because of the results, I go back to step four, and instead of quitting, I re-evaluate. What went right? What would I do differently? What am I doing forward? No beating myself up.
And six, I make it fun as possible. That's really you guys a recipe of success. So let me just go through them again, one more time, all together. And these fully validate that it is a goal, I want to set for myself. One, I actually want to do it. Two, I am not using it to prove I'm good enough. Three, I'm committed to the steps it takes to get there, even if I don't know all of them yet. Four, instead of quitting, I re-evaluate until I get there. Five, I will not beat myself up over the results. And six, make it as fun as possible.
So isn't that super cool guys? Like, you have a recipe of success here. If you choose to take this standard on for your goals, not yourself, but it's a standard for the goals, like, the goal has to meet these six validating steps before it's when I take on. Because when you look at a goal that way, the pressure is off, and the results don't get linked to your worth. Because let's make something super duper clear here, you matter.
You already matter. Your life is already valuable, and good enough is subjective. So when you really believe that you matter already as a human being, as a human life, the goals you choose to take on are ones that means something to you because they are things you want to experience, not prove. There are things you want to enjoy, learn, create, share, give, teach, whatever, because they add spice to your life. So this is really the breakdown; your life is the worth, the goals are what spice it up.
And to be honest, I don't really even use the word goal so much in my personal life and my personal conversation. So when I'm talking about something I'm going to do for myself, when I'm talking to myself, I say results. What results do I want for myself? How do I want to spice up my life with this results and the journey that it's going to create?
What do I want to do that would add a little spice to someone else's life? How can I share this Joy? How can I share the struggle? Because let's be honest guys, new results are not all sunshine and joyful. There's a lot of hard work, and so you get to experience when it's it follows those six standards of what you want to do. If that goal matches your standards, then how you can share that joy, how you can share the struggle, how you can share all of it with everyone because I really believe that all the results that we create on purpose when we share that journey with someone it opens up opportunity, and possibility, and what's available to anybody who wants it. If we don't force other people to have new results or create goals, like, that would just be totally not our place. But when we share it openly because it's our experience and we're enjoying it or we're struggling through it, and we're still doing it anyway, it's a beautiful thing others get to participate in and have a sample of that possibility. So it just makes the interchange so exciting and enjoyable, and that adds to the results too and the goal too because now you have opportunities and conversations that you wouldn't even be having without this goal, without trying to create these results for yourself.
And then another question that I love checking in with, is who will I become on the other side of this result? Because that is really what a journey is, is getting to the new results. We definitely think a lot when we think about new results that when we get there, when we get to the end result, that will be when we can be happy, when we can be satisfied like when the spices added but the spice is really added all the way through to your life. You are adding a little bit of salt over here, a little bit of pepper over here, and all of the steps you're taking towards the goal are creating the beautiful spice of your life, not just the end result. So when you think about who you will become on the other side of the result during your journey, then you get to decide to be that person as soon as possible.
Like this blew my mind when I first learned of this concept is, you can become the person as soon as possible. So let's say on the other side of this result, you're someone who has lost weight or you're someone who has a new job or you've paid off debt or whatever the case is. When you picture that person what is she doing? Because if you already had that skill, if you already had that result, what would you be doing? What would you be thinking?
What would you be thinking about yourself and sharing with others? And then, you can decide to be that person right now. The result is on its way and remember you're not using the goal to prove you're worthy, anyway. You can decide to become that person right now on the way to that result.
Another great question is, if I already had that result for myself, what would I not be doing? This one is goal you guys. So will interject a little moment so you can go there and discover what that would look like for you. Okay? So think about we're taking a moment, what is the goal you really want? What is the result you really want? So say it out loud. If you've already had that result, what would you be doing? If you already had that result, what would you be thinking? If you already had that result, what would you not be doing? Because part of what we would not be doing is, I guarantee you a tiny bit of not beating ourself up. Wouldn't be beating ourselves up because we already have that result, and what I'm saying to you is that you can do that now. You can start doing that now. You can become the person who doesn't beat herself up based on results. Someone who can always re-evaluate and take a look and see, and love yourself, and valuing who you are and the amazing woman that you are. And you can ask yourself this juicy question, when you picture yourself there and you see what that's like for you and what it would be like, and what you'd be thinking, and what you wouldn't be doing, do you still want that result? Guys, that's so valuable because then you get to validate if that goal makes the cut. When I picture myself there, what am I doing, what am I saying, what am I not doing, what am I feeling, do I still want it? Boom! Yes, if that is what you still want, it makes the cut so valuable.
So think of a goal as a puzzle. Why does anyone do puzzles? What do you do at the end with it? You take it apart, you put it back in the box, or maybe it's sits there or maybe you frame it, like, I don't know, but I'm just using this as the example. So do we get the puzzle for the finished result? I don't know, or do we get it because each piece of the process create something beautiful? That's what I believe goals are for. It's not really the end result, which is beautiful, too. But it's who we become on the way, all the little puzzle pieces leading up to it. Putting all the corners around, filling in the center, one step at a time, that's what goals are for. It's the journey, not just the end result.
So that's what I wanted to share with you guys this week. I love setting measurable results and creating goals now because now I know there's no pressure, and I know the reasons why I'm setting them. So the question is, what do you want to add spice to your life? I'd love to hear about it. Have a great week you guys. I'll see you next time.
Hey, if you are ready to feel genuine confidence, I invite you to work with me one-on-one. I help women manage a negative emotions, stop beating themselves up, and live a life they love. Because when you have genuine confidence, you have the energy to do what's important to you, and the tools to create new results. Join me at mschristiewilliams.com to find out more. That's M-S-C-H-R-I-S-T-I-Ewilliams.com, and I'll see you inside.