Ep #42 – Understanding
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- Why understanding is needed before you can be truly honest with yourself.
- What happens when we focus on lack of support?
- How you can use understanding like a tool to change your emotional wellness.
Featured on the Show:
- Ready for a better relationship with yourself? Work with me one-on-one.
- Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your favorite Hello, Lovely moments!
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Ep #42 - Understanding
Hello, gorgeous. How ARE you today? Sending so much love your way and glad you’re here.
Today our topic is: Understanding
Hmmmm understanding so good. Let’s all take a minute right now and think about what it feels like to be understood. Ahhhhhh, juicy goodness..
So good, right. For me, it’s like all is good. Moment of peace. Things are OK. I’m supported. BRING IT! LOL
I’d LOVE to hear what it’s like for you. Share that with me and tag me on Instagram with what understanding feels like to you. I want to hear it and spread that juicy goodness everywhere.
The reason I chose understanding is because you can give that to yourself. You don’t have to wait for it to come from other people. It really starts with you.
Now I believe fully that having support and understanding from other people is part of our experience where relationship matches come. It’s so valuable, AND it’s possible to NOT feel understood even when support is there. That’s why giving it to yourself makes a difference.
What’s funny and amazing about our minds, is that once we give it something to focus on, it goes looking in that direction for allll the proof. So if you get a feeling that you’re not supported and start thinking that way about a person, that is what you will see proof of over and over. And if you don’t refocus or reset and give YOURSELF understanding that experience will feel extra painful.
At that point, I like to describe is as being trapped in your head. Second guessing peoples intentions and wondering if they really mean what they say, question if you belong, and wondering what is wrong with you and them, and all the things.
Understanding is a tool to bring you back and have an opportunity to evaluate and change your focus back to support - whether others DO or don’t. OK And the great thing about that is when you support yourself and create understanding for yourself, you draw more people that support you in a authentic, beautiful way.
OK. Understanding. It’s a couple things. It’s a decision. It’s permission. One definition I pulled up on Google is sympathetically aware of other people's feelings. I LOVE that.
All this work on Hello, Lovely is so you can work on you. It’s growing awareness, love, emotional support, and decisions made to live in integrity with what’s important to you. So if we take the Google definition and you apply it to yourself, you are sympathetically aware of YOUR feelings. MAN! That feels good.
This does not mean we’re at the mercy of our feelings. It’s listening to them, paying attention with the intent to be sympathetic, understand and support yourself.
FROM THAT PLACE, it is a lot more authentic to take care of yourself, make a decision you can be confident about, and DO what you really want to even if it’s hard.
This takes work. It takes intention. It takes energy to be understanding. It’s soft and powerful.
There is a practice I teach my clients to create a safe space where they can do self-discovery, get to know themselves, and undercover some of the things that have been pushed back and painful. We do a lot of this in session together too. Especially at first if you haven’t wanted to look at what you think and feel before and tucked in in a box under your bed, it takes understanding and a safe space. That’s part of what a session is all about.
Then they learn to apply that on their own at home. Total safe space.
From there, they grow more comfortable creating a safe space in their other relationships too. Because the relationship with yourself is a filter for everything else. Being vulnerable isn’t this big beast anymore, and because you decide when do be vulnerable, and HOW to create a safe space, the freeness that comes with those conversations is empowering. You really grow into a new version of yourself - a woman who takes care of herself and isn’t as reactive to other people, situations, whatever. YOU ARE STILL A HUMAN Lol. We are not eliminating human emotion, but like Google said, you are sympathetically aware, know what to do, and create a safe space to share when that is appropriate for YOU.
This takes practice. So let it be that. Maybe it starts with you a couple times a week, sitting down, listening to what you have to say whether on paper or a convo in your head. That’s makes a big impact. Just starting there. Then practice gets sprinkled in your day. Here and there in conversations with people, you create a safe space and listen without urgency to respond. You understand your thoughts and can feel your emotions. That gets practiced more and more.
You know what? Practice gets to be your own. It’s not the rigid thing that’s awful someone else is making you do. You’re like ‘ it’s so refreshing to have an understanding convo with myself. ‘
For me, I wake up everyday now looking forward to it. I know I’m going to be so understanding and tender that I can look at everything I’m thinking and evaluate what’s next for me. I know I will have a shift everyday no matter what I’m feeling that makes me feel clear and ready for the day.
AND I don’t rush my feelings. It takes 5-10 minutes to check in with myself, and I honor the value of that. I say a prayer before and after usually just so grateful to have these tools and space and CLARITY. I like to pray for specific things, so it’s usually a little less clear before and like THANK you after hahah.
But that’s really my part, that’s OUR part in our mental health is doing what we can to contribute to it. That does take work and intention, love and yooouuu guessed it. Understanding. Just give it to yourself - anytime. Permission granted. Practice today - you don’t have to wait. Is there something on your mind you’ve had some judgement and/or regret about? I challenge you to take a couple minutes on paper or in your head and see what it’s like to practice understanding. That’s creating safe space. Change takes practice. Make it as fun as possible.
And for those of you who want to take this work deeper, schedule a consult, go to www.mschristiewilliams.com, and we will talk about where you at, girl!
Love you all so much. See you next week.