Ep #29 – The Core of Insecurity
The way you treat yourself is a relationship.
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- What is insecurity?
- The solution to insecurity is not confidence.
- How to make the relationship with yourself a supportive one.
Featured on the Show:
- On-demand 3-day Training to Create a Better Relationship with Yourself – Free Download
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Ep #29 - The core of insecurity
Hi friends. I am feeling good today after a weekend of pain. My neck and shoulder hurt so bad sometimes, and I have learned to respect my body. LOL Let me tell you when you learn how to take care of yourself with physical pain, you really uplevel the relationship with yourself.
It’s easier to have your back when you literally have your back. Acknowledging your pain when you are a recovering people pleaser can be a challenge because you want to show up everywhere 100%. You don’t want to say you need help, and you don’t want to disappoint anyone. SO when you can learn to do both because you’re body needs rest, you take care of yourself from the inside too.
All that being said, that pairs nicely with today’s episode: the root of insecurity. When you look up the word insecurity on google, it says: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.
Some of the reasons we think we don’t have confidence are because of our past. You might think about a particular memory where you didn’t show up the way you wanted and fear that might repeat again.
Someone may have told you’re a piece of work or you need to ‘just work a little harder,’ and it might feel like your abilities of being confident (or lack of) are attached to your DNA, like who you are as a person. So I have good news for you. That’s not true.
Confidence and insecure are emotions. They are not qualities of your personality that are one or the other. As with all emotions, we feel them at different times. YOU are not your emotions, but you feel emotions. AND emotions are caused by what we think.
So at the core of insecurity AND confidence are the thoughts you are thinking about yourself.
That’s why if you want to address insecurity, you don’t need to get a different job, you don’t have to change your body, you don’t have to make more money. You take a look at your current relationship with yourself.
THAT is the core, the base to anything you’re doing. So you can feel insecure or confident in any areas of your life, and you’re not limited to one or the other. You are a women who sometimes feels confident and sometimes feels insecure.
OK now that we got that covered, how do you feel less insecure? I like asking it that way because confidence is usually thought of as the solution to insecurity, but you don’t have to feel confident to swap out insecure. There’s no pressure to feel confident in place of insecurity. You could also feel love, relaxed, curious, interested, or connected. All of those are emotions.
When you are changing the relationship with yourself, those emotions can work to bridge you over to confidence.
At the core, changing the relationship with yourself is identifying the critical thoughts you have about yourself. The obvious ones and the sneaky, subconscious ones. There not always fancy. You could be thinking, for example, ‘I’m not that good. Sounds harmless. But it has an impact.
So we identify those, acknowledge them as a ‘start here’, and really uncover why your brain thinks it’s important to keep offering that to you. At the same time, you start treating yourself like a bestie. You don’t need permission. It won’t make you selfish. It’s allowed. LOL
All the things you want to feel, all the things you wish you could say, all the things you wish others would say about you, you acknowledge those. You change the dialogue with yourself to be more supportive instead of critical.
And because you’ve identified the critical thoughts that make you feel insecure, when they do pop up, they don’t have as much impact. It’s like Oh, hey, I’m not that good.’ I’m not talking to you today. LOL
It’s more than thinking positive. It’s addressing WHY you feel insecure now, being clear on that, and giving yourself to feel confident now and love yourself. Swapping out critical talk to support, love, understanding. All the things we’d do for a bestie. You get to do that for you too.
You start as big or little as you want, but there’s no rush in this process. Because it’s a relationship change for life. Even if you start with one or two supportive replacement thoughts each week to have your back when you notice a ‘you’re an idiot’ thought pop up.
You don’t have to entertain that. You don’t have to fix it. You simply notice it. Hmmm, this week I noticed my brain said ‘you’re an idiot’ about 5 times. Sooo interesting. I’m learning to be women who loves herself. I love myself. But let it be authentic to you. If you’re not there yet, you can try. I’m learning to love myself.
We don’t erase emotions. Insecurity is one of them, but you absolutely can identify it, so you are never a victim of insecurity. It’s not WHO you are. You are a strong woman. You are smart, capable, and sometimes you will feel insecure. It’s a signal you’re thinking something about yourself, and thoughts are always options.
I made a VERY special training for you that will help you create a better relationship with yourself. It addresses how to get out of your head, what your emotions are and how they fuel you, and how to make sure you’re lined up with your goals. It is free and includes a video training and bonus workbook, and you can start yours now at www.mschristiewilliams.com, click on the jump start, and download.
You can start addressing your insecurity and create a powerful filter for your experiences. Your RWY (relationship with yourself) is a filter for everything else.
Have a great week you guys. See you next time.