Response Ability

Episode 19 - Response Ability

I’m celebrating the extent that women are taking time to take care of themselves. They are reaching out from all over the place because they are ready to put their oxygen mask on.

They’ve been running around helping other people and being exhausted, telling themselves its not enough, not good enough, they’re dumb, stupid, a failure. All ages from 20-60. I just want to cry. SO proud of them. Hi lovely, I’m celebrating YOU!!!

Today’s topic Response Ability. Did you notice that’s two words? LOL If someone says Take Responsibility it has a negative connotation. You just need to take responsibility. We get all defensive and start judging them, judging ourselves. It’s like ‘talk to the hand’ - closed, blocked, brain doesn’t want it.

When I read the definition from dictionary.com it’ll be clear why that is: a particular burden of obligation - ewww. That sounds terrible. A burden of obligation.

This is the thing about words, they have different definitions (always), and how we choose to define it will impact what we think, feel, and DO.

Take responsibility now - we think of that as a burden of obligation, get defensive, shut down, don’t look for options, don’t want to talk about it, don’t think changing is worth it, relevant, repulsed, turned off. We’ll have the result of nothing changes. We’re in the same place where we are looking for someone else to take care of it or do something for us.

BUT when you split responsibility into two words, the value of it is completely empowering. Your Response ability. Your ability to respond. BOOM. It’s everything.

Your ability to respond means there are always options, you have a choice, things can change, it’s not the same decisions on repeat. It’s a check in at every opportunity. What do I want to do here?

What do I want to do here? It’s your ability to respond, and that’s an incredible thing.

Responsibility is something we really want as women. We want to make confident choices, we want to have options, we want to create new results, we want to feel good about ourselves and what we value even if someone doesn’t agree, we want to show love even if it’s not shown in return, we don’t want to complain, we don’t want to blame. That’s the GIFT of response ability.

But if we think it’s a burden of obligation (which is a completely optional choice to look at it), we miss our ability to respond the way we REALLY want to and start responding on the defense.

Taking responsibility is understanding mistakes happen. We make a decision, it either goes as expected or it doesn’t. Choices to decide it was the best response in the moment that we had AND/OR it wasn’t the best response we had in the moment. Both are taking responsibility.

The more we practice that, the more we grow. When we try to explain ourselves or feel defensive, it’s coming from judgement of the decision, feeling, or action we took. That’s an indicator of what our relationship with ourselves self looks like. If we put our selves down in our minds subconsciously or consciously, it’s harder to have compassion for ourselves when things don’t go as expected or someone doesn’t agree with us.

They’ll be an urge to prove ourselves instead of value our response ability. Our ability to respond includes an option not to explain ourselves. Sometimes we want to simply own the decision we make and be silent, appreciation where our original decision came from. That’s allowed with your response ability - the ability to respond.

So anything can happen around us, our circumstances can change, people can say mean things to us, people can compliment us, we can make a mistake, we can have success, in all of it, we can choose how to respond. We have a response ability - two words in all cases no matter what.

That is a beautiful thing. It’s like a tool in your tool belt. ‘Not sure what to do or say here. I’m pulling out the response ability. What would I really like to do here. What would I really like to say here?’ At your core. A pause is always allowed.

If we feel rushed to respond to something that triggers us. It’s OK AND you can take a slow deep breath, pause, think about, ability to respond commences. LOL

Just like any tool you start using that’s new. It takes practice, but even from the git-go, using your response ability, your ability to respond will pull you from feeling powerless to empowered or released. Have you ever done this, when you want to respond to something right away, feel pressure, start explaining yourself, don’t feel like it’s going right, hope no one misunderstands you. It feels like a trap, right? Like our brains are thinking: I gotta get out of this. As if it was a literal trap. That’s why it feels powerless. We’re trapped in our heads, and we can use the handy-dandy tool in our tool belt - response ability, to break free from that.

I’d say if response ability had an instruction manual with it, it’d look like this: 1. Breathe

2. Pause

3. Think

4. Choose on purpose: What I really want to do/say here is….’

5. Explaining is optional.

6. Repeat

‘Good for ages 18 and up.’ Results may vary. LOL

Think of what changes when we use this tool: response ability. The gift of the pause. Woah! There is no time limit on your response unless you’re playing jeopardy. You’re not. You’re playing the game of ‘life. OK guys I’m getting cheesy now, but it’s me. There’s going to be some cheese.

This is your tool. It’s always available. You have the ability to respond. What you choose will create the results you have. That is such good news. Because you can choose to respond in any area, conversations, goals, cravings for food, cravings to snooze, urges to quit, all of them you are not a victim to an automatic response. You get to choose each time. It doesn’t always FEEL wonderful. Sometimes it’s harder to work the tool than others, but you can still craft the result you want by using it.

What will you create with your response ability? Take it, enjoy it. It’s not a burden of obligation. It’s the tool to create the experience you want.

Have a great week guys. See you next time.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper, visit www.mschristiewilliams.com and schedule a free consult to work with me in private, weekly sessions.