Ep #45 – Resilience
Success doesn’t come without resilience.
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- What is resilience and how can you use it?
- How thinking goals and life should be problem free is making things more painful.
- How emotions impact what you do and don’t do.
Featured on the Show:
- Ready to manage and support your emotions? Work with me one-on-one.
- Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your favorite Hello, Lovely moments!
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Episode #45 - Resilience
Hi lovelies!! Here were are another episode. It was a year ago I launched the podcast, and wow, looking back, it’s been amazing. The people I’ve met and the journeys I’ve had the privilege to be on have changed my life. Thank you to all you listening and to my clients who have been a part of my own growth and journey. I love you guys. OK, wipe the tears away….sniffles...LOL
We’re going to talk alllll about resilience. What is it? Why do you need it? What small thing happens that’s prevents it and what you can do in advance to be proactive?
Google dictionary had two definitions. I’m going to read the both and then tell you which one is my favorite: 1. 1.
the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Can you tell which one is my fav? #2! Yes, it’s accurate that resilience is recovering from difficulties, AND I Love to think that being resilient is springing back and elasticity. It’s a 50/50 really.
Sometimes resilience will follow a circumstance that was hard, traumatic, and life-changing. Sometimes the act of resilience will feel like a small shift where you bounce right back in. I love them both.
I want to use definition #2 today. When it comes to goals we dream about, we get very excited. We get that high when we realize that it’s possible. Part of the dreaminess of it is there’s an idea that when we get there - accomplish that goal - we’ll be problem free…..to some degree. When I lose the weight, when I get married, when I get that promotion, when I buy the house. BUT what happens is when we accomplish it, we’re still a human, and circumstances don’t change that part.
Our emotions are still like a battery, part positive, part negative, all emotions. What happens is on the way to reaching the goal, there’s an expectation that because we are all-in and committed to it, it will be problem free to get there… to some degree. But again, when we start a goal and go after it, we’re still a human. Goals don’t change that part. Still have emotions.
Resilience is a reminder that we WILL feel feelings when set goals and reach goals, AND that’s not a problem. Resilience is a reminder that our lives are a little bit like a car. We are the vehicle, and at intervals, we need refueling, whether it’s gas or electric, solar, whatever. The fact that our car needs fuel is not a problem. It’s only a problem when we ignore the low fuel alert and pretend we can drive this car without having to stop for it. When you plan a trip, you expect the fill ups.
THAT’s what resilience is in goals and life in general. EXPECT you’ll have the unexpected, expect that you’ll want support, expect that you’ll put effort in, expect you’ll need rest, expect people won’t understand, and expect that you’ll still be a human when you reach your goals. LOL.
The point of setting and reaching goals is not because when you get there you are emotion free. The point is because they are fulfilling and who you become on the way to reaching them is a person with more experiences, more endurance, more connection, more understanding. Emotions are along for the journey no matter what goals we do or don’t do. Without resilience (the commitment to bounce back, be flexible, and expect to use it), we are surprised when things don’t go perfectly and will be tempted to quit. Quitting is temporary. Because this goal is important to you, you’ll be riiiiight back to it. Resilience is not weakness. Success doesn’t come without it. We may interpret someone success as problem free, but it’s not. Know that now, and reaching your goals is still SO WORTH it.
I love to give the example of my China trip. I really wanted to go. Had dreamed about the Great Wall since I was a kid. Knew it was something I would do one day. When the trip was in the plans, the flights were booked, the food tours were scheduled, I freaked out. I wanted to cancel everything. The thought of the unknown, the flight, the whatever, people’s opinions about wanting to travel…. It seemed too much..emotionally. There were several nights I woke up with anxiety and fear. Wanted to cancel. At the same time, I wanted to go. Funny right? I know you can relate.
Let me tell you something. That trip to China was EPIC. It was incredible. I loved it. I would have missed it if I didn’t USE resilience as a tool. I didn’t know it was resilience at the time, but that’s exactly what it was. Acknowledging the discomfort, recommitting to WHY I wanted it, giving myself space to feel my feelings, and imagining what it would be like to be there. That my friends can be applied in any circumstance. That’s resilience.
Being comfortable in your skin, getting healthier, changing jobs, learning more about yourself and emotional sensitivities. ALL of it will take resilience. There will be moments where everything is going as expected, and I guarantee you there will be moments when you need to fill that tank. Just be ready to support yourself in that way. Plan in advance to have your back, check in with how you feel, don’t tell yourself you can’t do it or judge yourself, and keep going. Just like that car, you will it with gas, and you turn it off. Resilience includes effort and understanding that rest is just as valuable. This is a combo that is really your own. No one else has been in your body, emotions, or experiences, and so you are the best person to determine what that looks like.
I help women do that. Emotions are a big part of that. Remember I said I was going to share a small thing that happens that prevents resilience…..it has to do with emotion: discouraged, deflated, disappointed, unworthy.
Those emotions in themselves are not a problem. The small thing that happens is we feel them and then think they’re a problem...as if the only way to stop the feeling is to change the circumstances. That’s not the case my friends. Those emotions are not a problem. Resilience is filling that emotional tank. Rest, effort, recommitting, any combo of those actions will work. Not coming from a place of force, but resilience. Reminding yourself that you can do this, and this is the part where you get to re-support yourself and see the progress you’ve already made.
Listen, we’re never doing it perfectly, but we’re doing it. That’s what matters. Sometimes people will tell you you’re crazy, or that’s too hard, you don’t have to do this. BUT YOU know that already. You don’t have to do it. That’s not why you’re working on this goal. You WANT it and it’s something that MEANS something, that contributes to your life. We don’t have to do anything. Don’t let your brain trick you that it’s easier, or pointless when it feels hard. Resilience is part of the progress, always. It’s not a problem.
If you’re hearing this and are thinking, Oh man, I want some of that, let’s talk. Book a Clarity Call, go to www.mschristiewilliams.com, click Work with Christie to get those deets and book the call.
Alight lovelies, have a beautiful week, and I’ll see you next time.