Real Self-Esteem

Ep. #43 Real Self-esteem

What is it? How do you get it? Why don’t all of us just have it?

Before we get into the episode I want to share that I just wrapped up being a guest on another podcast, and that was so fun!! I’ll give you more deets on that when it comes out, but any opportunity to talk about real emotional health - I AM IN!!

So more on that, but now for our topic: Self-esteem

What is it really? Google Dictionary says its confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Which is pretty good, but it has a deeper meaning to me. Self-esteem is a result of having a great friendship with yourself. Think about how that Google definition applies here: confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.. It’s not that you have to develop worth and abilities first - it’s recognizing your worth and abilities and then feeling naturally confident because of that.

Do you guys see what I’m saying here?

What tends to happen is when we want self-esteem or confidence, we go on the hunt to get more abilities, more accomplished, more done with the goal to be worthy or valuable. But self esteem doesn’t need that to happen first. Accomplishments are great to have and go after - adds spice to life, but you are ALREADY 100% valuable now and accomplished now. That’s why it’s good to know. If you wait to feel accomplished until you accomplish everything you want - you’ll keep waiting for it. That’s when it starts to feel less enjoyable in your life - chasing after accomplishments. It’s a very different experience when you view yourself as accomplished now - which is a choice - and then set goals for yourself. It’s really the validation for whether a not a goal is worthy of YOUR energy to go after it. You are validated. Now do you want to go after this thing and why?

VS. I don’t feel accomplished. What do I have to do to GET there? Here’s the answer. Start acknowledging your accomplishments right now. Give yourself permission to feel accomplished now. What REALLY keeps you from feeling accomplished now? The way you talk about yourself. The way you treat yourself. Yaaas!! This is the BEST news. This can change today - before changing anything else. Feeling clear and validated doesn’t come from stuff - achievements. We know this because you have them and still identify yourself as ‘having a lot of work to do.’

Your identity is shaped as you grow, but it stays exactly the same if you perpetuate it. SO looking at what your past experiences were and how they shaped you, who do you want to be now? You can be here today. It’s changing the way you identify yourself - creating a great friendship with yourself. That’s what self-esteem comes from. It takes practice. I’ll give you an example - if you always refer to yourself as clumsy, it may take practice to notice when you are about to say that - or when you say it and describing yourself differently. You are not a person WHO IS clumsy. You are identifying yourself that way, and what happens next is your brain will look for all that proof. You’ll notice more of your trips than other people, you’ll notice every time you drop something and then link it back to that ‘you are a clumsy person,’ This is just as example, but it’s SO good. Everyone drops stuff and trips. Do you WANT to identify yourself as a clumsy person? Do you want to identify yourself as a person who needs more work? That’s 100% a choice. If it doesn’t feel like a choice, that’s WHY it feel like more accomplishments need to be checked off or that changing habits is harder for you. What if you challenge that? Right now. You are a person who….. Fill in that blank. Knows who she is….loves herself….succeeds, is accomplished, doesn’t quit. That’s where it starts. Yes! So that’s our podcast for today.

I suggest listening to podcast episode #2- What are Goals For? That pairs beautifully with this episode and more about how you validate the goal for YOU, not the other way around.

And if you want to make authentic self-esteem part of your identity, let’s work together. Go to my website: www.mschristiewilliams.com and schedule a clarity call. You and I will chat on zoom and talk about where you want to be with your emotions, relationship with yourself, and where you are right now. That gives us everything we need to map the steps in between. Alright ladies, have a great week. See you next time.