Permission to Celebrate

Ep #28 - Permission to Celebrate

Hello, hello.

Today we are talking about a very important topic that gets overlooked. We wait to do it. We don’t let ourselves do it, and we feel guilty when we do it. It’s celebrate. LOL

There is so much every day that we can enjoy and celebrate, but the weight of suffering around us can rest heavy on our shoulders. I’ll give you an example of this.

My sister got cancer from a young age and had different health issues as she grew up, and as she had new challenges, I felt incredibly guilty for being healthy. That’s it. Just being healthy, I felt guilty. Now she loved her life. She enjoyed every moment. You couldn’t keep her down, but I would see how her body was changing and the limitations she had, and I felt guilty.

One example is her feeding tube. She LOVED chocolate. You couldn’t have fit more Little Debbie cakes into our pantry. LOL She loved swiss rolls and cookies, all the things. We’ll I guess about 1 years ago, she had changes in her throat, and couldn’t eat through her mouth anymore.

While it was a huge blessing to have the technology where someone can be fed through their stomach, it was heartbreaking that she couldn’t enjoy those little debbies anymore. I felt so guilty eating around her or enjoying a treat, and she would lick for taste. I felt like a selfish person.

When she died, that guilt rolled over and became, ‘I feel selfish to be alive.’ Now while I absolutely cherish my life intellectually, I came to a holt in my goals and life because it felt pointless to go after things. I was just going to feel guilty enjoying them. If this is where you are at, babe. I got you.

You are not selfish. I realized I was living my life through the filter of ‘It should’ve been me. I should’ve been the one who was sick.’ I didn’t realize that thinking that over and over was what made me feel guilty. It wasn’t Nikki’s illness that made me feel guilty. It wasn’t Nikki’s death that made me feel guilty. It was when I thought that it should’ve been me, I was living through a filter where I didn’t deserve to enjoy my life BECAUSE it should've been me.

It’s not always obvious how thinking that way can impact so much. So EVEN THOUGH I had a lot around me to celebrate, I didn’t give myself permission to because she died.

Now let me tell you something about Nikki. I didn’t intend to use this podcast in this way, but it’s happening now! LOL Nikki was one of the strongest, kindest people I’ve ever met.

There’s nothing I remember her complaining about. Every day she would look in the mirror at how pretty she was with her breathing tube in, and the pretty clips in her hair. Her expression was like, Yup, looking good.’ Oh I miss her.

She was my first life coach, and I didn’t know it. I can’t wait to tell her how much she impacted my life, and how much I love her. She knew how much I loved her already, but I’m going to let it be known again. LOL There is NO WAY that she wouldn’t want to feel guilty and shaming myself because I’m alive and she’s not. NO WAY.

Continuing to do that would be my choice, and I had to ask myself why would I choose to keep doing that? I don’t. That’s all it took. I called out my brain and thinking and acknowledged that it felt true at one time, but it’s BUSTED. I get to celebrate every stinky moment of my life. She would want me too. More than that. I want me too.

This beautiful gift of life I was given is not a consolation prize. It is beautiful.

Giving yourself permission to celebrate doesn’t devalue in ANY WAY suffering that someone else is having. I read this quote somewhere, and I wish I could remember who it was so I could give them credit. Anyway, it’s not my quote, but it’s so good. ‘Being sick doesn’t help someone who’s sick.’ I’m saying all wrong, but the point I got from it is, there are moments that you are with someone, and you want to express empathy and compassion. But in the world suffering is happening. It is absolutely expected right now. It’s part of how this world is, BUT there is ALSO a lot to celebrate.

I will have suffering, I have had suffering, and when I’m not suffering, you better believe that I am going to celebrate every single moment, and go after my goals. When you celebrate, you don’t devalue someone else’s suffering. NO WAY. It’s the opposite. It’s a celebration of life.

Your crew loves to see you celebrate. Your crew loves to see you powerful, and your crew is there for you when you suffering. All of it is the human experience right now. Don’t miss out on the celebration because you are guilting yourself. Nikki wouldn’t want that for me. She wouldn’t want it for you either. I am 100% going to see her again, and when I do, I’m going to tell her how much I missed her and she was part of the inspiration to celebrate my life as much as possible.

Love you all so much. See you next week.