Ep #31 – Forgive and Evaluate
Most of the time we think of forgiveness, we associate it with other people. This is about forgiving yourself.
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- What forgiveness means.
- Common reasons why we don’t forgive ourselves.
- How to evaluate to get all the data from lessons learned.
Featured on the Show:
- Drop your inner critic and be yourself with the 3-day video Jump Start – Free Download
- Ready to stop overthinking and be yourself? Work with me one-on-one.
- Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your favorite Hello, Lovely moments!
Ep #31 - Forgive and Evaluate
Hi lovelies, welcome back. I am SO excited because I am attending a mastermind event for business this week. You’ll be hearing this after it’s over. I’m meeting with a group of coaches around the world that have grown their own business and help clients all over the world in different fields for different results, but this mastermind is for the business side.
When I decided to own a coaching business, I was very excited about the coaching part. I was very excited about the business part too because I'm a creative nerd and love to create marketing and all kinds of things, BUT I had not run a business before. THIS is where that happens and so much more. I’ll have to tell you more about that soon, BUT for now that’s what I’m up to.
OK, so now let’s get into our topic: Forgive and Evaluate.
Most of the time we think of forgiveness, we associate it with other people. You can absolutely use this concept for other relationships, but today I’m specifically speaking about how this applies to yourself. How to 1) Forgive yourself, what that means, and 2) how to evaluate it so you have all the juicy data that came from any lessons learned. AND there are usually lots of juicy lessons, SO let’s get started.
First, let’s define forgive. I thought google’s was fascinating, but I’m also easily impressed. LOL Google defines forgive this way: b
1. stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
OK, now this says A lot. When we don’t forgive ourselves, we keep being angry and resentful towards ourselves. Now this is the thing that helps convey why the evaluation part coming in just a bit is JUST as valuable as the forgiveness part.
The first reason is because we will make mistakes, have flaws, and offend sometimes. That doesn’t mean we don’t have any standards or values we follow; it just means, it’s GONNA HAPPEN.
When you really soak that in, it’s less emotional when reviewing the details of the mistake or failure, or whatever.
You can look at it as data that you want to use to create something new in the future. Not perfectly, because we can’t do that. But to create a new approach and intention even if tiny, that results in a LARGE impact over time.
That means you may repeat something you’re committed to changing, but you ARE committed to changing it. The sooner you forgive yourself, the sooner can move on and create the intended result that you prefer.
So really, it’s giving yourself permission to NOT be resentful towards yourself. Resentment is not helpful. It doesn’t give you a clear mind to make decisions from. It doesn’t make you feel better about the past, and it doesn’t help you feel motivated to apply anything you learned from it.
It’s like mistakes are really the area we want to pay attention to. There is so much GOLD to help us take the next step in the direction we WANT to go in. Instead, we don’t want to look at it, judge ourselves for it, don’t forgive it, keep bringing it up, don’t evaluate it, and make it mean something about our future or ability to change.
So let me ask you this: Is there a downside to forgiving yourself?
(do doot dooot dooo, do do - signing)
These are the common reasons we don’t: We don’t think we deserve it.
We don’t think we have permission to.
We are afraid if we do, we won’t remember to change or be able to change.
Sometimes it is painful combo of all of those. But this is the thing, You can let all of those go. You can forgive yourself. You can stop being mad at yourself and resentful towards yourself. Only then can you truly evaluate and see what and how to change (if any).
Sometimes we can’t forgive ourselves for eating a cookie. That doesn’t even need forgiveness, but you get the point. We’re not looking for forgiveness for something in our future when we are experiencing this emotional pain. We are judging something in our past. We can only clearly evaluate what we want to do differently when we pull the layer or judgement off and forgive.
So HOW do you forgive and stop being angry and resentful towards yourself? You can invite yourself to say: Yes, this is what happened. I can let that go. It’s OK. This moment is brand new. I can create new things. I’m valuable.
You get the idea. It’s gotta be something that connects with you. If you aren’t there yet, what do you want to say to yourself? You have permission to say that today.
The evaluation is simple at that point. This is how it goes..
You get all the facts. You ask yourself if anything went right about it. What were the things that didn’t go well. What would you do differently?
ALL of that is valuable data, and that last one will usually include your next steps.
That’s how we use lessons learned. That’s how forgiveness gets easier. We’re going to make mistakes. You don’t have to stay mad and resentful towards yourself that happened 10-years ago.
And when you do, you’ll find that there is so much more to love about yourself than you realize. It’s just hard to see under a filter or resentment.
Remember, the relationship with yourself is a filter for everything else. So forgiving yourself makes it easier to forgive others and release resentment and anger in other areas of your life.
You don’t have to be a perfectionist to create the results you want. You’re already accomplished, valuable, and smart. Your past is valuable, AND you have so much ahead of you.
If this resonated with you, and you want to take this work deeper, schedule your consult call.
I help women over 30 drop their inner critic and get to work. Feel confident about who you are and what you really want to do. It’s not far off.
Go to www.mschristiewilliams.com |
click work with Christie, and I’ll see you in your private virtual consult.
Have a great week, ladies! See you soon.