Behind ‘I don’t know’

Ep #27 - Behind I don’t know

I just finished sponsoring a couple young women. I work with women 18 and up now as 1:1 clients, but during the year, I select a couple young women that have shown interest in the brain and goal getting and sponsor them for a day to set them up on a 6-week self coaching goal, getting project. I am lit up! My heart feels so full, and I love seeing these young ladies . You go ladies! One of them was like can we meet next week? I want to cry. It’s so transformative. I’m telling you one day I WILL teach these tools to kids at all school ages in class, in school. I will make that happen. In the meantime, each of YOU are really an example of what’s possible when you use these tools in your life. Understanding your emotions that you’re like a battery, part positive, part negative, and that we are not emotionally at mercy to our circumstances. SO empowering. OK

Now that’s get into our topic.

There’s something our brain does when it doesn’t want to work for us.

I don’t know.

It’s usually an indicator that something super valuable is behind in, but we have to open up to explore it.

Why is this relevant? I don’t know feels super true. You will literally feel stuck when your brain offers up this response. At that point, without further investigation, we drop whatever we were searching for or considering like a hot potato and distract or do something. As if I don’t know IS the answer.

It’s totally busted.

What you can do about? I don’t know becomes a signal that there’s something to be investigated that you will have to intentionally get the answer. It’s always in there. It doesn’t necessarily need time to pass to find it. In fact, I love to make a promise to myself that if I hear myself say I don’t know, that’s my next project. I’m figuring this out.

So a couple years ago when I first was introduced to this concept, I put this in to practice. I was trying to light the gas fireplace, and I couldn’t get it. I heard myself say I don’t know if a huff, and realized now it was my project to figure this out. What is the solution here? I got super clear and determined (which seems so funny now considering it was a fireplace starter), but this is what we need to do. It is getting your brain in the reins. Listen brain, I know you don’t want to do this because it didn’t happen on the first couple attempts, but I’m figuring this out. And what do you know, it was simple. I did have to focus my attention more specifically to the turning the button and pressing it in at the same time with a certain sorta finsess, but I got it to work. Probably took about 1-minute of focus. It felt like forever to my brain. It was all in slow mo.

That’s why this story is so funny because our brains do this all the time. They make things feel bigger than they are and that we’re stuck. All because of a sentence: I don’t know, which then makes us feel stuck and drives us to drop whatever we’re doing.

It’s the same with anything else where you hear yourself say I don’t know. That’s the signal. An investigation to look what’s behind that sentence is the answer you’re looking for.

So how do you do this? Here are some simple tips.

1. Notice when you hear yourself say it. It’s the first step. It’s so common as an acceptable answer that no matter who we’re with will probably say. OK, and it gets dropped.

2. Invite yourself to find the answer: If I did know the answer, what would I do? What do I think the answer is? It’s like drawing out a kid who doesn’t want to talk to you. LOL Really, just like that.

3. Be curious. Don’t force it or beat yourself up. There might be a temptation there to beat yourself up, but don’t do down the rabbit hole. ALL brains do this. This is the hack. Do it with love.

4. Celebrate with a pat on the back. Give yourself a celebration that you took this initiative and got the answer. There will always be one available, and the little reward that follows will help your brain make a new habit of slowing down and looking behind the I don’t know. Brains like gratification. LOL

So that’s it. Being stuck doesn’t happen because we don’t have the ability or experience. It’s because I don’t know. When you are willing and create the habit of looking behind it, you will never stay stuck. Make it a fun project like I did with the gas fireplace. I have tons more of these experiences, and I made a promise to myself that #3 and #4 are always a part of the process - be curious and celebrate.

Is there something you’ve said I don’t know to recently? If you answered I don’t know, that’s the perfect opportunity to practice. LOL

Love you ladies so much. See you next time.

Go to www.mschristiewilliams.com to get your free 3-day training to have a better relationship with yourself or work with me one on one.