A Touching Interview

Today I’m sharing a touching interview I conducted in a session.

It was very vulnerable for her to share, but she wanted to in hopes it would help more women.

We rarely open up and share conversations like this, but at some level, we all feel these emotions, and it is encouraging to know we’re not alone.

Here is the worksheet to do this work personally: Download the worksheet

Here’s the interview: 

Me: What are you feeling today?

C: I feel like I have to prove myself.

Me: Why?

C: To be right.

Me: Why?

C: To be liked.

Me: Why?

C: I question my value.

Me: Why?

C: I judge all my decisions.

Me: Why?

C: I feel unworthy. 

Me: Why?

C: I want attention.

Me: Why?

C: Attention means I’m valuable.

Me: Why?

C: People give attention to things they value.

Me: Why?

C: It’s important to them.

Me: Why?

C: It makes them feel good. 

Me: What is the feeling they feel when they feel good?

C: Loved

Me: What else?

C: Appreciated

Me: What else?

C: Valuable

Me: What else?

C: Special

Me: What else?

C: Unique

Me: Why do you think attention makes you feel that way?

C: It means others like me.

Me: What does that mean?

C: People like to be around me and hear what I have to say.

Me: What do you have to say?

C: Nothing in particular, just my thoughts.

Me: That’s so interesting. If people like to hear your thoughts, what would that mean?

C: I’m important.

Me: What does that mean?

C: I would matter.

Me: So is that possible not to matter?

C: No. 

Me: When would you not matter?

C: I guess if I think I don’t matter.

Me: Is that what you think?

C: Yes, sometimes. 

Me: What does that mean?

C: I’m worthless and don’t matter.

Me: What else? 

C: I’m not valuable. Nobody could appreciate me. They’re just being nice. I’m a fool.

Me: I want you to take some time and look back at this session. Don’t change your thoughts yet. Just notice all of it.

C: OK (pausing and reading the notes)

Me: I want to ask you one more question before we go. Do you matter?

C: Yes, of course, I do. I can’t believe I had that thought in my mind that I don’t matter. It was like I never knew it was in the back of my mind. If someone would’ve asked me if I matter, I would say, ‘Yes.’ It’s crazy that thought has been floating in my mind without me noticing and influencing my opinion of myself – probably for years! Of course, I feel like I need to prove myself if I think I don’t matter subconsciously. 

Me: Yes, so interesting. 

C: This is going to help me so much. I feel so good knowing that little sneaky thought is out in the open now. It’s like a weight is lifted. 

Me: Yes, I’m sure. Did you know that questioning yourself is part of being a human? Doubt, confusion, worry, and second guessing. That’s OK. It doesn’t mean anything about your value. It means you’re a human. We each have an amazing value that we don’t see sometimes. That’s OK. What makes us valuable is being a human. 

______

That was so impactful.

She was able to catch that thought, work on it, and create new thoughts about herself with less judgement. Now she journals daily to see what else she might be thinking and has created an amazing relationship with herself that continues to grow everyday.

We can be carrying around some painful thoughts, and not realize it. That’s OK.

We don’t give ourselves time to think about our view of ourselves, and it can become scary because we’re afraid of what we might find in there.

It may be hard to look at what we think of ourselves, but if you promise yourself that you will not judge what you find and decide to be curious, it will be a beautiful thing. 

The relationship we have with ourselves is truly a filter for all our relationships.

It’ll be easier to feel confident about your priorities and decisions because you won’t feel pressured to make decisions to prove yourself. You can feel authentic and natural – aka yourself.

If you haven’t checked it out yet, I included the Interview with Yourself worksheet below. It’s a little guide to see what thoughts might be making you feel bad about yourself.

Download the worksheet

It’s SO worth this work. When you can find the mean, critical thoughts you have about yourself, you can CHANGE them. When you care about yourself, it makes it so much more authentic and natural to love others unconditionally. 

I love you all so much. ❤️

Have an amazing week.

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